Danskin 2010 – Adventures in Bathing Suit Purchasing

On Sunday, after being foiled by the rain, I decided to head over to the Sports Authority to see if I could find anything suitable (ha ha) for race day. I snagged my six-year-old boy to be fashion critic, and off we went. I arrived totally thrilled to find a 40% sale on competition swimsuits! Woo hoo! Robert and I began plowing through the rack, pulling out all kinds of sizes (I haven’t worn a competition suit since high school), and Robert throwing out helpful advice (“Get this one. Mom, it looks fast!!”).

Things I have discovered.
1) I have a torso about three inches longer than the average American woman. Speedo does not want to sell anything to me.
2) TYR does their sizing different for blue swim suits. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t know. I can only tell you that they do. Blue swimsuits are 2 inches shorter than every other color in every other size, and the leg-holes are made only for mannequins and teenagers.
3) Both TYR and Speedo assume that swimmers of all sizes are dimensioned roughly like a Cola bottle. I do not mean this figuratively. If you have a small waist, or a small bust, be prepared to buy a two piece and pay twice the $$ since they do not sell them separately and you’ll have to get two different sizes… OR
4) The only suit that will accommodate a woman with a size 8 bust and a size 14 ass is guaranteed to be the ugliest AND loudest color on the rack. By some miracle, it was not also the most expensive.

Having survived the selection process, and then the fitting process (“MOM!!! No way!!! That thing doesn’t even cover your butt!!”). We picked up a few things and headed for the register. After paying and loading purchases and kid into the car, I looked at the receipt and realized that, in her eagerness to sell me a warranty for my $5 folding chair, the young lady at the counter had forgotten to charge me for my suit. I then unloaded the kid, walked back into the store, and had to ask her to charge me money for the most-hideous-but-least-ill-fitting-suit they had. In exchange for this kindness, she got snippy with me.

I’ll debut the suit at the lake with Deb this weekend. I take comfort that, no matter what, my friends will be able to spot me in the water. 🙂


~ by Adverbia on April 19, 2010.

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